Who Did I Become - A Gay Mans Story

He lived about 10 mins away by bike so today was the day, time to ride through his neighborhood and see if he would notice me or if I could catch a bit of him working in his yard. I would take whatever I could get at this point. As I pull into his neighborhood my gut sinks, can't turn back now! Then I see it, in the driveway I see his truck! YESSSSSSSS! His front door is shut and no one is in the yard but this is his house. A cool two story home that looked like it was straight out of the 70's. So now that I knew where he lived, this is where I would be every weekend until I caught him in his front yard. Yes, I was determined! For the next couple of weeks everytime I was there I would see women and kids and wonder if any of them were his family. I never mentioned to him that I had been to his neighborhood and he never mentioned it so I assumed he just hadn't seen me. Oddly enough during this time I made friends with other kids in this neighborhood around my age...

After about a month and a half of this new year of school, he and I were very often just hanging out between classes or after school. He would high five me in the hallways and people would ask me if he was related to me or something the way we were always hanging out. I told them no but it was nice to know that the other students noticed how close we were getting, it was almost like when other people see you and your crush hanging out at the mall or something. Except this crush was about 12 years older than me and taught me subjects all day long. So by this time I had moved my seating to the chair right in front of his desk. So I could turn around and chat with him at any time during class. Yes, this is extreme but guys, he was my first major crush, not only that but this was vastly different from me falling for another girl or boy at school, he was a teacher and I was doing whatever I thought was going to get me closer to being friends with him until I could get something to ha...

As I have gotten older I have found myself to be very good in the art of information gathering. The age of the internet has made it a lot easier but it all started with my desire to be with Mr. X. Like I said I knew he had a family, he had mentioned them before and even had photos of his wife and kids on his desk, so this wasn't a big deal. However I needed to find out where he lived, I wanted to know if he was close to my house or on the other side of town. I wanted to know more about his life outside of the school, it was obsessive yes, but with the intent to just try and get around him and maybe entice him to want to get to know me. All my life I had felt like an old soul, a kid at heart but with the sensibilities of an older man. So what I needed to do was to convince him that I wasn't like the average kid at school, that I had something to offer that would allow him to let his guard down and let me in. This sounds very crazy to me now, but at this age and the situa...

The days of going to school were never better. I counted the minutes from the time I arrived until I was in Mr. X's class. I was attentive, my grades were amazing and I couldn't take my eyes or ears off of him. His body was perfection to me. The curves from his shoulder down to his chest, the arc of his very attractive belly down to his thick legs and nice ass. His smile, his eyes, the hair on his arms and chest, he was so masculine and I could only imagine what I would do with him if his clothes were off. Being that at this time I was still a virgin with limited exposure to sex I really didn't know what I would do, but I know I wanted to do something. So I started seeking out adult content, finding things on Showtime, Cinemax and HBO. Trying to avoid getting caught while learning about sex. Imagine that, a 16 year old boy who had no idea on what to do with another person with their clothes off. As an artist I started drawing pictures of him nude, although I had...

So I was not raised in a super religious family. I did go to church from time to time but it was never a huge part of who I was. However, the realization that I could be gay hit me like a ton of bricks. I remember vividly spending many afternoons being happy about my feelings towards Mr. X but then also praying that I wasn't gay. Now this wasn't something I knew a lot about, my exposure to what gay people were was solely based on what other kids said or what I saw in the media. Trust me, in the early 90s gay men were very stereotyped and that was tough for me. All I knew in my ignorance was that gay men acted very frilly and didn't look like the kind of men I found attractive. So what was I to do? How would I get to be with Mr. X or men like him if they didn't exist in the gay world? So all of a sudden this attraction and desire turned into fear and worry. I was going through a rush of emotions that I had never experienced and also confirming that I liked men...

So the year is 1991 and I am in my sophomore year of high school. My parents had recently divorced and I was a comic book kid who loved art and music. I spent my entire middle school career as an introvert, however I had learned to hip hop dance and on the final school dance of my 8th grade year I actually danced in front of everyone. This became my legacy going into my freshman year as the "dancing kid". To be very honest I looked like Harry Potter but danced like MC Hammer, it was pretty wild. So coming into high school I had a reputation and this made my HS years much easier even with my struggles with sexuality. We will skip over my freshman year as it wasn't as eventful as my 10th and 11th grade years. Going into the 10th grade I was already slightly older than most of the other kids as my mom had decided to keep me an extra year in the 5th grade which caused me to lose all of my friends at that young age. Although I don't remember too many details I do ...

Hello. I want to start this first post of by saying, I am by no means a writer. You will probably find all kinds of errors here as its been decades since I sat down and attempted to write something that wasn't just a comment on Twitter or a text message that corrects itself. You may find that charming, or not, doesn't really matter to me. I'm just here to tell my story and get this off my chest. I do want to point out I will not use real names on this blog, I am not a victim of anything that happened. I was fully aware of how the situations occurred and made all of these decisions myself. This disclaimer will make sense as we go through this blog. I am a 40-something gay man. As the kids may say I am a homosexual cis male, I think that's how it works, I am still learning all of this new lingo. I am chubby, ok with that, comfortable in my own skin and aware that I will never or have never been the poster boy for the most commonly found attractive men. Again, ...