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Dream or Nightmare? - Chapter 3

So I was not raised in a super religious family.
I did go to church from time to time but it was never a huge part of who I was.
However, the realization that I could be gay hit me like a ton of bricks.
I remember vividly spending many afternoons being happy about my feelings towards Mr. X but then also praying that I wasn't gay.
Now this wasn't something I knew a lot about, my exposure to what gay people were was solely based on what other kids said or what I saw in the media.
Trust me, in the early 90s gay men were very stereotyped and that was tough for me.
All I knew in my ignorance was that gay men acted very frilly and didn't look like the kind of men I found attractive.

So what was I to do?
How would I get to be with Mr. X or men like him if they didn't exist in the gay world?
So all of a sudden this attraction and desire turned into fear and worry.
I was going through a rush of emotions that I had never experienced and also confirming that I liked men!
Not only that, like many gay men at that time I was all alone in this.
I had no one to share this with, it was a secret that I was worried would eat me up inside.

After a short time I finally became more secure in the realization that I was a gay man.
I decided to keep the secret as long as I could and started working out ways in my mind to make something happen between me and Mr. X...
How would I do it?
Well...




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