So the year is 1991 and I am in my sophomore year of high school.
My parents had recently divorced and I was a comic book kid who loved art and music.
I spent my entire middle school career as an introvert, however I had learned to hip hop dance and on the final school dance of my 8th grade year I actually danced in front of everyone.
This became my legacy going into my freshman year as the "dancing kid".
To be very honest I looked like Harry Potter but danced like MC Hammer, it was pretty wild.
So coming into high school I had a reputation and this made my HS years much easier even with my struggles with sexuality.
We will skip over my freshman year as it wasn't as eventful as my 10th and 11th grade years.
Going into the 10th grade I was already slightly older than most of the other kids as my mom had decided to keep me an extra year in the 5th grade which caused me to lose all of my friends at that young age.
Although I don't remember too many details I do believe that's part of what shaped my shy nature going into middle school.
But I digress, I was older than most of the other 10th graders but in HS it doesn't really matter in the bigger picture, but when you're there, it does feel a little strange.
Its the first day of my 10th grade year and I'm doing what everyone else is doing and meeting all of my new teachers for the first time.
This leads into one of the most magical moments of my life.
I meet my 2nd period teacher who catches my eye, he is a dream.
Tall, ex-football build, nice gut, hairy arms and chest, I wasn't sure what was going on.
Little did I know that this man would end up being the blueprint for what I find attractive for the rest of my life.
Up until this point I had questioned my attractions to men as I had dated girls in the past but still found guys attractive as well.
This man, this teacher had confirmed that I was very much attracted to men.
For the sake of this blog we will call him Mr. X, since I love the X-Men its a nice touch.
So Mr. X was totally the hottest man I had ever seen, but I was only 16, he was at least 28 or 29 years old.
This was bad, bad for me, did I have to wait 2 years? LOL
I had always been a fan of wrestling and even found myself collecting pictures of the wrestlers because of feelings I wasn't sure of, Mr. X had totally explained to me why I was so captivated.
Also many years later I can say I am no longer a fan of wrestling as I discovered porn and well... yea.
As he goes around the room asking everyone to say their name and one thing about themselves that they are proud of, I say "My name is ____ and I love to dance!" he responds with a line from a popular song at the time and says "Everybody dance now!" SWOON! My heart fluttered.
Did we just become best friends?
I was sold, 100% sold on this man, and I was determined to do something, I didn't know what it was, but I wanted to do something with him and if I had to wait 2 years I would.
Even now thinking about this moment, this day, this time in my life I am sweating while I type this.
For the first time in my life I had someone that I wanted and I knew I wanted them.
This wasn't me questioning it, this was a very specific desire that felt right.
But how far would I go to make this happen?
I wasn't ready for the answer to that question.
My parents had recently divorced and I was a comic book kid who loved art and music.
I spent my entire middle school career as an introvert, however I had learned to hip hop dance and on the final school dance of my 8th grade year I actually danced in front of everyone.
This became my legacy going into my freshman year as the "dancing kid".
To be very honest I looked like Harry Potter but danced like MC Hammer, it was pretty wild.
So coming into high school I had a reputation and this made my HS years much easier even with my struggles with sexuality.
We will skip over my freshman year as it wasn't as eventful as my 10th and 11th grade years.
Going into the 10th grade I was already slightly older than most of the other kids as my mom had decided to keep me an extra year in the 5th grade which caused me to lose all of my friends at that young age.
Although I don't remember too many details I do believe that's part of what shaped my shy nature going into middle school.
But I digress, I was older than most of the other 10th graders but in HS it doesn't really matter in the bigger picture, but when you're there, it does feel a little strange.
Its the first day of my 10th grade year and I'm doing what everyone else is doing and meeting all of my new teachers for the first time.
This leads into one of the most magical moments of my life.
I meet my 2nd period teacher who catches my eye, he is a dream.
Tall, ex-football build, nice gut, hairy arms and chest, I wasn't sure what was going on.
Little did I know that this man would end up being the blueprint for what I find attractive for the rest of my life.
Up until this point I had questioned my attractions to men as I had dated girls in the past but still found guys attractive as well.
This man, this teacher had confirmed that I was very much attracted to men.
For the sake of this blog we will call him Mr. X, since I love the X-Men its a nice touch.
So Mr. X was totally the hottest man I had ever seen, but I was only 16, he was at least 28 or 29 years old.
This was bad, bad for me, did I have to wait 2 years? LOL
I had always been a fan of wrestling and even found myself collecting pictures of the wrestlers because of feelings I wasn't sure of, Mr. X had totally explained to me why I was so captivated.
Also many years later I can say I am no longer a fan of wrestling as I discovered porn and well... yea.
As he goes around the room asking everyone to say their name and one thing about themselves that they are proud of, I say "My name is ____ and I love to dance!" he responds with a line from a popular song at the time and says "Everybody dance now!" SWOON! My heart fluttered.
Did we just become best friends?
I was sold, 100% sold on this man, and I was determined to do something, I didn't know what it was, but I wanted to do something with him and if I had to wait 2 years I would.
Even now thinking about this moment, this day, this time in my life I am sweating while I type this.
For the first time in my life I had someone that I wanted and I knew I wanted them.
This wasn't me questioning it, this was a very specific desire that felt right.
But how far would I go to make this happen?
I wasn't ready for the answer to that question.
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